The stupids
Every so often as I’m working, I come down with a big case of the stupids.
It starts out with my aesthetic choices somehow feeling off. Suddenly, every brushstroke becomes a painful reminder of how unqualified I am to be a painter. From there, the feeling overwhelms every aspect of my art practice, from my thoughts about individual paintings to my plans for larger projects. I see that my blog is full of useless nattering—my whole website even. And I know that everything I say to people is dumb, meaning that I can’t be much smarter. In other words, I’m stupid.
I don’t think I’m the only artist to ever be afflicted by this sickness, nor the only person for that matter. And as difficult as it is to see beyond stupid when I’m right in the middle of it, I try to remember that self-doubt is a natural part of taking risks.
Gwenn Seemel
For Love AND Money
2005
acrylic on canvas patchwork
48 x 34 inches
Growing up, I loved school. (Big nerd.) But I remember as a third grader curling up in my bed, sobbing over my future homework load as a fourth grader. (Tragic nerd.) I was anticipating not being smart of enough to get the work done. Of course, by the time I was a fourth grader, it was fifth grade that had me terrified.
No matter how many times I graduated to the next grade, I was certain I wouldn’t be able to handle the new work load. But I always did, from third grade all the way through a liberal arts degree.
detail image of For Love AND Money
Being an artist is hard. Every time I put a work on public display—either physically or on the Internet—I’m saying that a thing I made is worth looking at. It takes a lot of courage and self-esteem to do that, to believe that what I’m doing should matter to other people.
And part of being able to do that is accepting that the stupids will get to me every so often. When they do, I just need remember the third grader crushed by the academic pressures of fourth grade and smile.
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(11) Comments / Commentaires: The stupids
Check! Staying stupid. 
Thank you Megan!
Glad I read this, I came down with a case of the stupids too!
Agh! The stupids!! I call them the sweats but it’s the same wave of angsty angst. It’s like when I’m having a great rollicking conversation and suddenly I can hear my (suddenly stupid sounding) voice.
I think the stupids allow us to be artist, if we didn’t question ourselves every so often we’d be ARTISTS and wear berets and smocks all the time.
I’m not glad that you all understand the stupids intimately, but it is nice to have confirmation that I’m not alone in them!
“I’ve suffered a great many catastrophies in my life. Most of them never happened.” - Mark Twain
I get those, too. They’re hell.
The older I get, the more I realize what a waste of energy those moods are. I’m now sometimes able to shrug off those moments, taking comfort in the thought that my lack of perfection will help others feel better about themselves…they can hold me as a bad example. There’s something amusing and relaxing about that thought.
I know what you mean! I started blogging and vlogging in French a while ago, and I don’t always do such a great job of it—one particularly sharp French person actually called me the “Jean-Claude Van Damme of artists.” But though my mistakes bother me, I keep at it and I keep at it publicly. I may not be the best example of French-speaking ever, but too many good things come from trying!
oh your words and the visual layout of them in between the two details of a body of work of a self portrait…it all visually and literally squelches the stupids…
i wanna offer somethin that is a little bit of me talking my art but also if i was with you it’s what i’d exclaim in person while holding your hands and squeezing them.
the ‘stupids’ ?
they are our counter me…our not me….and i’m convinced are the only real hinderance to our sculpting our real me more fluidly.
each one you paint thru?
enables countless others the same ability.
have you ever thought of it that way?
that the very stupid you squelch not only opens a freer moment for you to paint…or loosens the strictures on your creative thought flow…but so too does it prove, one inkling at a time, that the stupids won’t indefinitely strangle.
and see?
as you do it
and more as you talk bout it?
it nods the yes to someone else that he can too or she can too
so this post may well be a fave of mine tho what i’ve continued valuing bout your writing is that with each sharing, you really do offer something you’ve worked thru and resolved.
again…giving hope to that next one.
your paintings gwen?
take my breath away
i’ve not ever seen geometry so portrayed spatially and colorfully
ohh to see thru the lens you look thru
my hope is that you especially know your stupids are simply clouds over your brilliance
and i know brilliance is strong
let’s soothe it up with saying wisdom
you ‘get’ not only the value of sharing your process and how but you get the necessity of standing behind your bold work.
and that conviction?
well indeed it IS brilliance to me.
sending you deep respect, love and true pause for ‘getting’ it..the value of sharing your process.
so moved.
Tre ~
Thank you, Tre! I may have worked through the idea of the stupids, but I still get them and I still have a hard time with them. In that sense, it’s really nice to share about them and hear that I’m not alone. I appreciate all your kind words so much: they help me to be bold!
thank you for your bravery; you inspire! i ruined a portrait i was working on today- i literally x’d it out in a ridiculous and childish moment of frustration. and then i went to the internet to ask it if anyone else suffered self doubt (also b/c i am going to have to begin again from scratch…. but your courage and transparency are a gift. i may even pick up my paint brushes again- hack as i am. thank you. sincerely- cole
I’m glad, Cole. Don’t let the stupids stop you!
Megan@BehavioralChild...
Your art work is magnificent and your writing very real (and funny). If stupidity is what is enabling you to do this, please don’t stop being stupid
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