Face Making

Artist Gwenn Seemel’s bilingual blog about art, portraiture, free culture, and feminism.

“We don’t want to talk about it.”

2011 . 07 . 28 - Comments / Commentaires (4)

Recently, my Maman and I were talking about fertility, and she told me a story. At some point in my parents’ grand adventures around the world, they went scuba-diving somewhere. The company they went with consisted of a husband and wife, and at the dock, placed so as to be read by every client getting on their boat, the couple had posted a sign:

WE DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. WE NEVER WANTED TO. WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

To my mother, the sign seemed really in-your-face, and I can certainly see her point. That said, I also get why the couple posted it.

More so than the weather, children are the ultimate in small talk. They’re a way for adults to identify with one another. When a parent meets another person with whom they have nothing in common, the subject that they can usually connect on is their children.

In this way and in many others, procreation is brought up all the time, and it’s assumed that everyone will do it eventually. It’s really hard to be the one who feels sensitive on this subject—the one who is infertile or the one who doesn’t want children—because the reminders about it are constant. They’re in your face.

It’s a shame, but those who really don’t want to have procreation be a constant conversation topic do have to be proactive and possibly a little in everyone else’s face about it. I know I struggle with finding the proper equilibrium myself. I don’t want people to avoid talking about their children around me, but, at the same time, I’m not a fan of people telling me I should definitely adopt if I can’t have my own. What’s more, I still find myself saying annoying things like “next it’s babies” to young couples who’ve just gotten dogs…!

It’s harder than I ever thought it would be to find a balance.



toy car

This month, I’m writing about infertility and disability a bit more since I’m participating in A Somewhat Secret Place, a show focusing on disability and its status in art and in society. For more information about the exhibition, visit its blog or go see the work in person!

PRESENTspace
939 NW Glisan
Portland, OR 97209

Open: 7 through 30 July
Hours: Monday through Saturday from 11 AM to 5 PM

Closing party: Saturday 30 July from 6 to 9 PM


RELATED ARTICLES:
- Everyone has problems.
- What “infertile” means
- Disability and my sense of self


CATEGORIES: - English - Endometriosis - Philosophy -


If you want to receive email updates whenever there’s a new post on this blog, pledge $1 or more of support per month through Patreon!



(4) Comments / Commentaires: “We don’t want to talk about it.”

-- Lisa Plemmons Harrison Caddel -- 2011 . 07 . 28 --

As I read your post, I remembered reading this article recently.  With your talent and personality, I expect you will be a woman artist known in art history!
http://arthistory.about.com/od/womenartists/a/where_are_women.htm

--- -- - --- - ---- - ---- - --- - -- ---

-- Joy Corcoran -- 2011 . 07 . 28 --

It helps us all when someone makes things clear.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in ourselves, small talk and assumptions that we don’t really communicate or listen.  Sometimes an “in your face” comment is merely a redirect or an opening up that turns chatter into real conversation—or blessed silence smile  Thanks for posting.

--- -- - --- - ---- - ---- - --- - -- ---

-- Claire*R -- 2011 . 07 . 28 --

Je crois que le plus important dans une vie est d’oser prendre une décision par soi-même et pour soi-même et non celle que la société veut pour nous. La nature humaine est quelque chose que l’on ne comprendra jamais tout à fait et souvent, elle a prévu quelque chose d’autre pour nous et lorsque nous essayons de la contrôler nous déréglons l’équilibre naturel…

Je ne sais pas si j’ai tout à fait compris ce que tu as écrit en anglais, mais je crois que tu oses écrire sur des sujets délicats et j’aime ton audace.

Claire

--- -- - --- - ---- - ---- - --- - -- ---

-- Gwenn -- 2011 . 07 . 30 --

@ Lisa: Thank you!

@ Joy: So true!  It’s not always comfortable making or receiving in-your-face comments but they can be fruitful.

@ Claire: Merci!  Ce qui est bien quand on montre un peu d’audace c’est que le sujet devient un peu moins redoutable pour tout le monde—et surtout pour moi!  En parler c’est normaliser.r

--- -- - --- - ---- - ---- - --- - -- ---

Add a comment / Ajouter un commentaire

Name / Votre nom:

Email / Votre e-mail:

(Visible only to Gwenn / Visible uniquement pour Gwenn)

URL / Votre URL:

(Optional / Facultatif)

Comment / Commentaire:

(You can use / Vous pouvez utiliser: < a >, < b >, < i >)

 Remember me for next time. / Retenez mes coordonnées.

 Email me new comments. / Abonnez-moi au fil de discussion.

Please enter the characters you see below / Veuillez rédiger le mot que vous voyez ci-dessous: