Feminine
What does that word even mean?
The dictionary defines it this way:
Having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with women, especially delicacy and prettiness.
I won’t fall down the rabbit hole of looking up the definition of prettiness, but I can’t help but wonder what feminine really means because that word has come out of my mouth at the most unexpected times and has been applied to me under the most unexpected circumstances.
The first time I remember saying feminine and having no idea what it meant was right after I met my partner. David and I weren’t dating at the time. We were going on adventures and we wouldn’t kiss for the first time for another couple of weeks. I was talking to a friend about how much I liked him, and I described my feelings like this: “he makes me feel feminine.”
What’s more, the word has been used to describe my work, and, as far as I can tell, it has been used as a simple descriptor without any intention of belittling what I do. But if that’s the case what about my work makes it feminine?
Gwenn Seemel
Delightfully Naïve (Gwenn) and It Doesn’t Matter (David)
2006
acrylic on canvas patchwork
20 x 40 inches (combined dimensions)
In my own person, I usually seem to feel the lack of feminine more acutely. I don’t regulary think “I feel feminine right now” and when I do I don’t understand why. More often, I catch myself lamenting that I feel unfeminine.
I was most aware of a lack of femininity right after I discovered that I have endometriosis and may not be able to have children. Similarly, I feel the opposite of feminine when I don’t pay attention to my appearance, when I’m too tired or sick to make choices about what I look like.
Why is it something I notice more when it’s gone? And why is it something I enjoy feeling?
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CATEGORIES: - Endometriosis - Feminism - Philosophy -
