Greetings
French people always greet each other. There’s never any launching directly into a conversation: a person must be greeted before she-he will participate in an exchange. This is true for everything from asking directions of a stranger on the street to seeing a loved one first thing in the morning. Bonjour is the beginning.
Beyond the verbal hello, there’s usually a physical one too if you’re establishing any kind of a relationship with the person.
The handshake is one option. Much like in the US, it’s used for professional connections or for greetings between men who are not related, but in France a handshake has more nuances too. And that’s in part because it’s juxtaposed with the bise.
This is the French greeting par excellence, but the bise isn’t necessarily always the air-kissing that it’s been turned into by plastic snobs who wear too much make-up to actually touch their cheeks to anyone else’s.
Faire la bise is much more than what Hollywood has made of it. It can be performed without physical contact, but it’s also often done with touching but without much warmth. This kind of kissing in France can be strangely dispassionate, and it’s used by women mostly, either with other women or with men.
Of course, between friends and relations, the bise is infinitely warmer and can even be accompanied by a hug.
While the endless nuances of these options can be confusing, there’s something nice about knowing that the greeting moment must be acknowledged physically in some way. In the US, without this structure, I often find myself wondering if the hello-but-no-handshake was a subtle snub or if it had no meaning at all. I never know when to go for the physical greeting and when to leave it at a nod. And it still rattles me when I feel like I have to hug someone I barely know—pressing my body into someone else’s seems far more intimate than touching cheeks.
I guess where greetings are concerned I’m more French than American…!
PS - Many thanks to Claire, Brigitte, and my Maman for demonstrating the greetings for me.
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(3) Comments / Commentaires: Greetings
It’s awkward being the one who doesn’t want to follow the norm. This last time I was in France I went to faire la bise with a woman and she shook my hand instead. Despite myself, I felt a little put off. She even explained why she only shakes, and I still felt myself judging her a bit even though my brain was totally with her on her choice! COMPLICATED.
Way more complex in France it seems. Makes the U.S.A’s “Hey how’s it goin’?” kind of a relief.
cjy...
I was just thinking recently I am not that into hugging people hello and goodbye. I would just prefer not to but it seems the thing to do these days with friends and even with friends of friends that you just met but have spent a few hours with in a social setting. I like the friendly smile and firm handshake for greeting new people
--- -- - --- - ---- - - --- ----- -- -What I really dislike is partner yoga. Ick.