Blog / 2024 / Making Hugs Special Again
August 7, 2024
It was May 2021 when I started saying “no” to hugging people, because it was then that I received my first full slate of the COVID vaccine and came out of lockdown enough to spend time with humans who weren’t my partner.
Prior to the pandemic, I was a compulsive cuddler, throwing myself into embraces with people I maybe only felt lukewarm about because I believed that human touch could make the world a little better by making people feel less alienated. I didn’t come up with this idea on my own, of course. Early on, family members taught me that providing this kind of care was my responsibility. They modeled the behavior and talked often about the importance of physical displays of affection. And they weren’t alone. Society as a whole tends to push girls to be emotionally available hostesses who strive to make everyone around them comfortable, so this lesson was ground into my psyche.
By the time the pandemic arrived however, I was ready to call an end to physical affection shared with anyone but my sweetie. I’d been complaining for years about forced hugs—AKA the embraces I accepted because I didn’t have the courage to reject someone who opened their arms to me, but also the ones I couldn’t seem to help myself from imposing on others when the recipient probably would have preferred a wave or a handshake.
COVID gave me the strength I needed to say “no” to everyone—including me—because even my years of girl-training weren’t going to trick me into putting my health in danger in order to hug people. Plus, the pandemic gave me the perfect excuse. I wouldn’t seem cold for rejecting a request to press my body against someone else’s: I’d just be helping to stop the spread of the virus.
But in a world that, by and large, thinks COVID is over, it’s harder and harder to point to the virus when I offer an elbow bump in the place of a hug. So it’s time to start viewing the pandemic years as a new kind of training. When someone goes in for a hug, I can’t lose myself in excuses about new COVID variants, the looming threat of avian flu, or future pandemics in general. I have to remain firm that my preference is for a little elbow-to-elbow touch and that this preference is valid, even if it means that they might judge me as cold.
Because the fact is that I’m so pleased to be hugging less.
For one thing, every embrace is more significant now—and not just because I mostly reserve them special occasions like a reception for my art or a reunion with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. Mainly, I enjoy the hugs I choose because they aren’t mingled with thoughts of all the awkward or awful ones I used to endure.
For another, I’ve learned the subtle beauty of finding new ways to express closeness. When you don’t default to a hug, you have to imagine novel ways of conveying the specialness of a relationship. Sometimes the elbow bump lingers and other times it makes sense to offer an unexpected high five. You might even say something extra vulnerable to communicate the feeling in words. Always, there’s meaningful eye contact—an exchange I often missed out on in past as I hurried into a hug.
This painting is a custom piece that I designed based only on the five words of its title, which the client provided to me. This is a special kind of commission that I invented for my Kickstarter last year. But the image is more than that too.
It’s a continuation of the story I started in this piece, where the daffodil figures are the same size as the other flowers. They’re trying to pass as regular old blooms, at least when viewed by humans who will probably only notice all the golden heads nodding and dancing in a spring breeze.
In the newer image, the figures have grown to a stupendous size—a human size—and they’re sitting in the field, greeting us with a shy smile and a wave.
You can buy prints and other pretty things of Luscious, Gorgeous, Integrity, Salacious, Stupendous here in my print shop.
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